Lovely

4 Nov

I’m so in love. 

It’s weird, because when I first started dating this boy about 5 months ago, I was so cautious not to fall at all. I thought it’d just be a summer fling. But it’s not. I hope it’s a fling for summer and fall then winter hopefully spring and then summer and maybe another fall and winter and maybe we can watch the rain fall and look at the clear sky then go to the school’s shitty football games and travel to the snow. 

He’s my ordinary, yet he’s so spontaneous. 

So sometime in the past 5 months, I fell. I fell so hard. It’s a version of falling where I don’t think I’ll easily stand back up when it’s over. 

It’s a version of falling where I anticipate the future and there’s a part of me where I know he’s in the picture. Hopefully, he will be. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now I can’t tell you all the best without comparing 

What do you mean?

I mean, Sir Double D.

I can’t tell you all this great stuff about my favorite person right now without a word of what became of my ex. 

He’s out of my life. 

I don’t talk to him and we don’t speak. 

And that’s just how it is.. I sometimes wonder how he’s doing, or maybe should I say hello.. but then my current boyfriend holds my hand and I feel normal and I feel okay and it’s lovely.

Certainly lovely. 

 

Funny

16 Sep

It’s not that I do not love but rather that I can not keep myself on that thought track. I lose myself in my own head and every genius thought swirls away from me and into a black hole. My head is not entertained but my heart is infatuated with you.  I wish I knew how to keep a hold of myself and not feel like a fool so often. I need you to know me. You didn’t then and you’re only starting to gather the bits of me i cannot think of at this moment. I am thoroughly bored with myself and I can not imagine why. It’s…humorous. 

Cold

7 Sep

It’s 2a.m somewhere

so go home. 

don’t give me reasons why 

you should stay

turn around

leave, walk away

i can’t get these 

spitting images

out of my head

and if you knew

what they posses

i’d want to be dead

i need you out

so i can remember

what all of this is about

i can’t even look at you

so stop

getting in my way

 

 

 

{No Title}

9 Aug

I am tired of god. I am tired of hearing about this “higher power that watches me, hears my thoughts, knows my intentions and just waits”. He waits for us to die so he can be with us. Which makes me wonder, why isn’t he here now? 

 

If there’s a heaven when I die, this god has a lot of explaining to do. 

Oh My Darling

18 May

Emanuel.

Every day seems

More and more like an

Adventure

Now that I have

U by my side and

Every day I seem to

Love you more and more.

 

 

Run Baby Run

3 Mar

I’m sorry I haven’t written here in forever. My life has been a tornado and and I have only recently found Oz. Okay. Maybe I found it in like October. That’s not the point, however. I have found this content and happy feeling in my life. I could reach the fucking sun if I tried to, that’s how great this all is. Okay, Okay, maybe my grades aren’t the best, but HEY, I’M HAPPIER THAN I HAVE EVER BEEN IN TWO YEARS AND FOR THE LONGEST TIME AND I’M READY TO TAKE DOWN ANYTHING. I have somewhat new friends, since you last heard from me. Like Lauryn, Lexy, Blake, Jacinda, Austin, and so many others.

Lexy likes to dress my little group of four up like Barbie dolls. She sounds wildly creepy if that was all I had to say. But it’s not. Lexy is wild and crazy and pretty and really one of my favorite people. I have a lot of those. She’s actually the girl I wanted to get to know and be friends with super badly in middle school.Which is so weird to me. And then there’s the baby of the four of us, Lauryn.  Lauryn I only really got to know this year, and she’s super funny. In the beginning of our friendship I thought we would never really get to know each other and I kept thinking how goddamn awkward I felt. Grace is still Grace. We’re like this little group of four who rules drama class. We have the best sleepovers and we’re oh so close and it’s one of the best things I’ve ever been apart of.

And then there’s this boy. I find that out of no where, my hand will be  in his, or my lips will be up against his and it’s this amazing feeling. This boy is my boyfriend-feels weird to get to say that again. Again? Yes, again. Look around my blog if you really need a refresher on that one. But I swoon over this boy when he says my name- he makes it seem so lovely. He gives me butterflies when I see him. I feel that i really truly love him.

My classes keep getting harder and harder. In the morning, I have Spanish 2 with these two nobody’s who think they are somebody’s (Remember my theory that every person in highschool is either a nobody or a somebody). I can’t explain how I manage a 44.51% in Algebra 2. My old math teacher got promoted (even though almost every kid in his classes are failing) to vice principal. So now I have a teacher that I actually understand. I have this teacher who hates everybody but her precious waterpolo payers for science. I have this amazingly funny history teacher. Drama. Then a teacher I despise in Honors English.

I’m done with sophmore year, and I just want summer.

Somebody Everyone Knows

20 Jan

I feel like if I made a dating profile-an HONEST dating profile- nobody would like my self description. Not That I need to make a dating profile-I have my love- but still

 

My Name

15

Where I live

125 pounds

Terrible self-image on the outside, bi-polar self-image in the inside. 

Blonde. Not even the great kind- The “it’s-turning-brown-at-the-roots-looking-fake” type.

Green Eyes. My favorite part of my body.

I feel like I manipulate people and make them feel terrible. 

Self-declared nobody.

Likes to hear his voice saying my name (It’s sounds so sweet).

Says comments that are either stupid, unnecessary, or noncomprehendable

When it comes to school work I am a complete idiot

Likes fireworks.

Likes pizza.

Likes saying what I hate rather than what I like.

Likes music.

Can be irritated by mundane things.

Writes poetry when sad.

Terrible person.

Likes laughing-laughing’s my favorite.

 

I want nothing more than to hold your hand.

18 Jan

i want nothing more than to kiss you as a greeting.

 

i want to see you more than at school for less than an hours worth a day,

 

i want to have no fear for us. 

 

my love, my muse, my sunshine, my Apollo, my dearest- why can’t i have this? 

5 Jan

This is the second time somebody has offered me this, but the first time I’ll post it. So let’s all give a shoutout to ramazingrain.wordpress.com, for somehow finding inspiration in my blog.

Because there’s only so much inspiration a person could find from a teenager ranting, ya know? 

The funny part about this award is: Even if I didn’t nominate you, you can just copy then paste the photo.

very-inspirational-blogger

There are rules of the award: Not that anybody cares.. So I’ll modify them. 

  • Display the award logo on your blog
  • Link back to the person who nominated you
  • State seven things about yourself
  • Nominate -fifteen- five other bloggers for this award and link to them
  • Notify those bloggers of the nomination and the award’s requirements

Here’s my TOP SEVEN THINGS about me:

  1. Apparently I’m a weirdo
  2. I love being in drama and in fact, I am a Thespian.
  3. Making fun of my mother could be a profession of mine.
  4. I always have this personal monologue in my head.
  5. I think that the whole cigarettes and red wine thing is sexy. Even though I haven’t tried smoking..
  6. My favorite two books are The Fault in Our Stars By John Green and  Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher
  7. I like travel and adventure with a passion

Here are five people I find worthy:

1. http://www.dancingthepainaway.wordpress.com

2. http://www.derekitty.wordpress.com

3 http://christxmas.wordpress.com/

4 http://bombaygirlabroad.wordpress.com/

5 http://mariqia.wordpress.com/

 

K. Bye now.

Take Off Your Colors

16 Dec

So last night was my school’s winter formal.

I wore a turquoise-ish short dress and silver heels. Strapless bra, thong, spandex in case you were wondering. The spandex makes it modest. Sort of.

So I get to this dance at like 9 o clock.

I put my student ID in my bra, and when I walked him it was hanging out, AND I DIDNT NOTICE UNTIL I HAD HUGGED THREE GIRLS. It’s not like it was that big of a deal, but still.

So we’re dancing. Not like-grinding. I was doing the whole “Move-your-hips-like-you-know-what-you-are-doing” thing. Not many others tried.

Everybody but the girls I was with were grinding. Mostly couples.

I kind of longed to have had a date, so  I could have grinded on him. Anybody. Is that so wrong? 

This mexican chick I know, totes ratchet, walks up to me with her black ratchet friend. Mahalei, (pronounced MAH-HAIL-E), asks “Can you handle this girl?” I look at the black girl and I was about to say “I don’t know” when the mexican pleaded that I say yes, so I say “Yes, I can handle her”. Instantly, this black girl was grinding on me and not one part of me knew what to do so for about 2 seconds I just let it happen before walking away.

Then this slow song comes on. I wasn’t really listening to it.. I think it was Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls. And my single friends leave the dance floor.

Meanwhile Inky Dinky is making out with her boyfriend.

So I walk up to my guy friend on the dance floor near the beginning of this song. We start slow dancing. It wasn’t a serious thing, not on my part at least. He had a date, just didn’t know where the hell she was. She didn’t look for him soo whatever. And this guy- goddamn he’s tall. He’s like fucking seven foot. 5’5 me is on my tiptoes to comfortably dance with him. (I took off my heels shortly before) I think he was a bit…well, turned on. Or cell phones just need to get smaller. You pick. This guy, he keeps telling me how pretty I am. It was sweet. I enjoyed that dance.

After slow dancing, I think that’s when I decided I wanted to get guy’s attention subtlety. So me and the foreign exchange students started to like, grind, on eachother, in the huge group of grinders. The guy friend complimented me on my moves. I can tell you now they weren’t that special. Just the result of being turned on in a group of other turned on teenagers.

Meanwhile, Paul and Toria, still going at it. Tempted to reserve a motel room for them. Somewhere in me I realized that I was watching the most innocent friend of mine making out with a guy. Somewhere in me I forgot to care.

I have to say it, because most teen girls do, “OMG THAT WAS THE BESSSTTT NIGHT EVA ❤ <3”

It could have been better, if either EriKKK or Sir Double D were there. (Quickly, I must explain that I ask for them there, but for different reasons. One,because “Hey, we’re friends-what the hell.” and the other because “Hey, I love you. I could have easily grinded on you and made out with you but Hey, your loss.”) It felt great to not be a total wallflower.